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Maria Elena Boschi, the changes of look over the years: from brown to blond with bangs
“He sought it”. These are words that resound like thunder in the head, but above all in the heart. On many occasions we speak (unfortunately) of gender-based violence and the narration that is made of it is not always edifying, far from it. The phrase summarizes this concept victim blaming,literally: blaming the victim. In the last few hours it is on everyone’s lips and we are slowly discovering that it is a distorted and almost incomprehensible mechanism, which tends to belittle episodes that should go towards demonstrations of solidarity, to one genuine and human understanding. Especially by women.
Victim blaming is a social phenomenon that has strong repercussions on the analysis of gender-based violence. Which diverts attention from the real problem, literally pointing the finger at the victim. It has something of an anachronism, yet in 2021 we still come across this type of narrative, steeped in prejudices and stereotypes that take over even when it comes to domestic violence, cases of group rape and similar facts.
There is a subtle (but not too much) imbalance in the representation of the culprit and the victim. But how is it possible that people can take the side of the former, to the detriment of the latter? In an ideal world (and in fact it is) it is the victim who is the injured party, the person who has had to suffer – often in silence – episodes of violence such as to not be able to talk about it. For fear, for shame, because after all it is a trauma that strikes you deeply and pushes you hard into a dark chasm from which you think you can no longer emerge.
Yet, reading comments and reflections on news episodes concerning gender-based violence, we often come across people – incredibly women too – who take the side of the executioners. Here is the quintessence of victim blaming: to belittle what happened, attributing one partial (sometimes total) fault of the fact to the woman victim of violence.
The reasons? From the male point of view, the ancient cultural legacies certainly have a great weight, which – although we don’t like to admit it – give men a clear advantage over women. It is simply the idea that “certain things” like going out at night, drinking alcohol, having fun, or even just having a sex life are male, not female, prerogative. On the other hand, however, the big question always remains: why do women, as directly interested, point the finger at other women?
“If you hadn’t done that, it wouldn’t have happened“, One of the most recurring phrases on the subject of victim blaming but also of revenge porn, another topic that has been talked about in recent times. The explanation of the psychotherapist and sexologist Laura Rivolta in Vanity Fair is interesting, according to which a mechanism called “control illusion” would be triggered in women. In short: attributing errors to the victim it’s a way to build the illusion that “if I don’t do that, nothing bad will ever happen to me”. In fact, an unconscious reaction aroused by fear.
On social networks Maria Elena Boschi she expressed herself openly on the subject of victim blaming, highlighting a crucial point of the question: “The pain that passes through those women, who often take not days but weeks to find the courage to denounce and perhaps even overcome shame, anguish” , all this can not and it doesn’t have to be an argument in favor of those who blame the victims.
Boschi has always been at the forefront on these issues, also because of the ugly ones personal experiences lived. There is no mention of victim blaming specifically, but the story of the persecution she was forced to suffer by a stalker still resounds. From a banal message months of hell arose, a real nightmare that he faced with no little fear, but then finding the courage to denounce that man.
Suffering from violence is not something that is forgotten. If a woman cannot talk about it, even with the closest and dearest people, it is certainly not a fault. Only the terrible effect on the psyche of someone who, after what he has seen and experienced, will never be the same again. In 2021 it is absurd that we continue to narrate the facts always and only from the male point of view, from the top of an alleged superiority of judgment.
Whether the victim is a woman or a man, it doesn’t matter: violence is always and in any case. However, the data paints a picture in which they are always there women largely to fill the role of victims. It happened before and, unfortunately, the episodes have increased exponentially since the pandemic has been underway. Women too often forced to live side by side with their own executioner, under the same roof. A truly unsustainable situation.
Sexual violence, verbal abuse, stalking. Violence takes on many different faces but what emerges is that a gap between man and woman still persists today, which must absolutely be bridged. A profound change is urgently needed, now and now.
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